The same thing happened when I tried to express concerns about treatment; I was assured that therapy could be difficult but I needed to work through it to get better. I would play rough with the boys in my class in hopes that they would touch me so I could feel satisfied. I said no because I knew what she was referring to and I was embarrassed. And when they got divorced 13 years ago I was sort of relieved. Covering the hottest movie and TV topics that fans want. I remember when me, my mom, and my sister were in the car and I was in the backseat in one of those large car seats ( that are only for like 3 to 4 years old) and I was rubbing my self on the seat belt in front of my legs, then my mom looked back and told my to stop and never do it again. Best, HT. I literally do not have one single friend most people think that is impossible and a lie, but I genuinely do not have a single friend on the entire planet. My other memory is when I was older, around 9 or 10, back then i shared the same room as my mom and him, who I always called my dad. London Bridge. so while spending all your time trying to figure out exactly what happened is tempting, it tends to just create more suffering. It can be an older sibling or another child who abuses you. I do remember very strongly seing my dad watch porn. what is the colour of your sweater? Other memories are quite blurry and I dont feel comfortable saying stuff that Im not sure happened so Ill leave it at that, however I am pretty sure that more things happened. But, some things he used to do were really strange, like when hed shove my head under his shirt (keep in mind, we barely knew this guy). Will it ever be okay? Gosh Ash, this is some powerful and brave sharing, thank you. We would suggest that you try not to obsess on the question of was I or wasnt I abused but to instead seek counselling or therapy to explore this anxiety or talk about it with the therapist you are already working with. I remember a teacher at my secondary school worrying that all was not well with me aged 18 and me thinking, well its too effing late to worry about me now.without really knowing why it was too late. 3%, 998 votes. And rape fantasies alongside anxiety, depression, and a feeling you have to offer sex, those are pretty strong indicators of trauma. But i know this is not the way to go. I dont know if I can tell anyone else either because they might hate me, or not believe me, or tell that person. Is there another adult you could talk to, like a relative you trust? Hi there Amy, thanks for sharing all this. If you are on a low budget, read our article on how to find low cost counselling for ideas http://bit.ly/lowcosttherapy. And they talk about abuse all the time, its nothing surprising or strange at all for them (official statistics state that 1 in 4 children are abused, with the reality probably a lot higher, so a lot of clients bring such stuff to their therapy sessions to work on processing and healing). From ages 6 onward, I knew how to satisfy myself, and would do so by rubbing myself an any furniture around the house. That we have symptoms that are upsetting us and making life hard. We wish your courage! Hi Anon, we suggest you read through other comments and read our connected article, I Think I was Abused as a Child What to Do Now. Find a counsellor or therapist you feel comfortable around and work through this. A few years ago I was a little drunk, talking to one of my friends and I told her that I thought Id been molested by my uncle in my grandmothers basement. What are the real chances that of all the therapists in the world, you remain the one special person who cant help? I now know that it has effected me lifelong and it has sent me into a deep depression that gets to suicidal thoughts which I never had before. I was horrified, as anyone would be, but I just could not stop thinking about it. The brain is a marvellous survival tool that will do its best to help us get by. As a child I was severely bullied and made fun of non-stop. You were a child. And when at night he would watch porn on the TV while we were asleep and masturbate because I could hear it. I realized I am not crazy, I am not a victim I AM A SURVIVOR. You need real support. I need help/advice. Hi Beth, we are definitely again seeing strong black/white, good/bad thinking. I used to raise farm animals but recently sold them all. Theres no real therapist in my town as far as I know except all the outreach centers but I know everyone working there and dont feel safe going there. What wed say here is that it is obvious that you are struggling with very real issues. I cant enjoy being with my husband. Hi Bethany, the first question we have is, why do you think that a child having some sort of pleasure from a form of masturbation dirty and wrong? Its beautiful and searing honesty. The symptoms of sexual abuse often cross with the symptoms of other traumas or difficult experiences. Yeah well things change. My kids are the only reason I am still alive. And that the dread and shame and guilt I have been feeling all my life was because of But so too do many other traumas happen. Hi Paige, its hard if we think we have been abused but we just dont know. I really feel Im not gonna be able to move on in life until I release memories and continue going to counceling and work out my issues. Hi David, we are sorry to hear that happened to you. But it makes sense for them cuz it happened a couple of times. Finally, working with a counsellor might throw up (and help you heal) other traumatic experiences youve repressed that might be part of the bigger picture, that might not even be sexual traumas. Best, HT. You see we understand you are Christian. Im 25 years old and I recently started to reflect a lot on how I was as a child. As a preteen I was terrified of getting pregnant. If I anger and yell at someone, I begin to well up and cry, like I cant control which emotions Im expressing at the moment. Unfortunately, until a time machine is created, we simply cannot know. We are in the UK but see you are in Canada and found this one for you https://kidshelpphone.ca/what-is-kids-help-phone. Im not sure what to do I feel as if every I might just take my anger out on the people I love and end up pushing them awayTheres a lot more to this of course but this is what I can type down. This episode is inspired by an experience someone in my conscious breakup collective FB group is going through. Ive found therapy to be a so horrifically unsafe experience that Im afraid going back will cause me to completely fall apart again. I pretty much unfortunately can relate to most if not all symptoms/signs listed above. I have absolutely no income of my own, so cant afford private counselling at all. I would have bouts of depression and anxiety now suffer with more anxiety also with depression. And my love life is mess. Finally, often we never know exactly what happened. I am only 19. I had a hard time saying no or stop when it didnt feel good and put myself through the pain. I was sitting in the small dark room and waited until I could not hear him. If a dragon is hovering around for too long, then players should move to an environment with open spaces. If you have trauma or have emotional dysregulation then regular counselling where you just talk about your past might not work or could potentially just keep you in a state of feeling traumatised and resorting to self-harm. And find out Ive found out that I have a sign of having PTSD and Im sure what to do. Good parenting means one of your parents sits you down and lets you know what is and isnt acceptable, how to set boundaries, and how you can turn to them if you have bad experiences. Thats where everything goes black, but not the normal falling asleep black. As you are only 17, it would require a parent being on board with helping you find a counsellor. And you are not your thoughts, you are something much deeper, wiser, stronger. As a child I always have a foggy memory about being abused I mean how could a child know about these kinds of things at the time Growing up I started fetishizing submissive and rape relationships and I even build caracters in my brain who are in a submissive relationship I HATE sex and i dont want to think of being held but as a child I remember often doing things to myself I dont have any traumatic feelings when I see that person in real life now and I dont remember it hurting or anyhting back then Im so confused .. how do I know if I was abused or if it was nothing ? Read our article for many ideas on finding low cost help here http://bit.ly/lowcosttherapy. There's enough diversity in Skyrim to satisfy fans who are hard to please in this department. The main bulk off therapy was with a Transactional Analysis Therapist took me a long time to open up have dealt with family friend and my best friend dad. Im afraid theyll judge me. But when is it time to go beyond coping? Dont you deserve at least that? Youll have so many machines from furnaces to kegs to mayo machines running at all times and filling these can take up valuable hours of your day in game.. It has important suggestions in it that should help. Are you at school? Wed advise that its best for your own wellbeing to work through your very heated emotions and seek professional support over this so you can get to a place where you are stable and strong enough to then decide what next steps work best for you, see our article on what to do next if you think you are abused here which explains what we are saying http://bit.ly/dealwithabuse. As youll see in the other comments, unless someone designs a time machine, nobody can actually know exactly what happened in the past. Its all created by the media. POST EDITED FOR PRIVACY AND LENGTH I have so many doubts about whether anything happened to me and whether what I remember actually matters. I was researching this topic and came upon this thread after so many years. Im 20 now. Unforunately, as we say to all the people in this thread with the same question, we cant help you find out exactly what happened. Worth asking yourself. It must have been really hard to hear your mother tell you something so shocking about your father as well, that alone must have been traumatic. Dragon fights are some of the biggest and most enjoyable fights in Skyrim. I wanted to walk away, but he called me and said he wanted to show me something. And try to find a healthy way to vent your anger so that is doesnt push away those you love, as you need their support now, not to push them away. Even with my husband of 8 years. But it is true that sadly abuse can be a cycle, as in, those who were abused are far more likely to be the ones finding themselves with urges to abuse. I think he was about final year of school probably about 17years old. We would say there is a charity with a help line here in the UK for men suffering concerning thoughts, you might find these pages helpful https://www.stopitnow.org.uk/concerned-about-your-own-thoughts-or-behaviour/help-with-inappropriate-thoughts-or-behaviour/ you could also contact them to see if they knew of UK-based counsellors who are sensitive about this subject and can help. I have been talking to a therapist and seeing a doctor to try and get a handle on my panic attacks and anxiety. Its also worth noting I was my Dads favourite my sister would apparently cry whenever she wasnt with Mum, whether with my grandparents, strangers, even my Dad. Im 25 yo now. He also used to lock me in my room with the lights off knowing I was too terrified to go turn them back on. Just that our countrys people, family and in schools they taught us that we should keep ourselves clean ( sexually ) and not touch or anything with the other sex. Do you have other symptoms of sexual abuse? Hi Steph, thanks for all this sharing. I cant help but think something happened while I stayed there. I know something had happened to my sister when she was younger and it was from my cousin. It can even be a series of events that are not necessarily sexual. Even many small countries now have charities and hotlines set up to help women who have been abused. They can help you unpack all this anxiety, as well as support anything bigger if anything does come up. I remember falling asleep on the bed in the guest rom and waking up on the couch in the middle of the night, having no idea when I got there. I questioned him and he couldnt explain why and I question that a lot as well. hi, im 19 years old and im starting to suspect that i might have been sexually abused by my father. You can find an article on how to talk to your parents about mental health here http://bit.ly/talktoparents.Also know you can call helplines and talk to really nice people, there are many just for teens, here is the list of helplines in the UK (if you are not in the UK google for one in your country) http://bit.ly/mentalhelplines. Best, HT. You can drive yourself around the bend trying to figure out exactly what happened to you. That isnt normal. Also I read all of the symptoms and I have all of them I dont know what to do without my parents finding out. My parents would tell me it was very bad if they caught me but never explain why. What Im still battling with is Christianity which makes my relationship to my mom very hard to nurture, since I blame the dogma for my moms wrong behaviour. I felt gross and my body felt strange. Are you sure your mother would not believe you and judge you? I do remember being grasped and rubbed in certain areas by my neighbor when I was younger. Mostly dont want to know, honestly. Im not sure if this is sexual abuse but when I was 7 I remeber my dad always coming home late and getting yelled at. I struggled with almost everything on every list above. I can