Im guessing thats where most of us got the idea that he was trying to push it on her. Theres no statement suggesting that he tried to browbeat the woman into getting an abortion. Hes walking away and Susie will give birth or have an abortion alone. Why You MUST Let Him Come To You After A Break Up But I dont see anything in the letter that means he must be. You shouldnt expect him to bow down and praise the woman. Except I acknowledged that was guesswork on my part. I often feel bad for the LWs who get called names and judged super harshly on this site and sometimes feel the need to defend them when they just seem lost and in need of some advice. No real comment from me today. April 9, 2012, 7:03 pm, Wait, whoops, no. And guess whatthe potential consequences came to life, quite literally for him. You can leave this dude, try to learn to live life on your own, try to show compassion toward your fellow women, and try to learn to identify unhealthy relationships straight away, before you find yourself embroiled in more soap-opera style theatrics. Translation: men should think before they poke but women can do whatever they damn well please. Tim. bittergaymark Um, I dont think anyone actually said that. The last 15 girlfriend jokes It's bro's before hoes, not bro's over your girlfriend. Or maybe you feel like youre trapped between a rock and a hard place. Tell him to fuck off; if he couldnt live without you he should have figured it out before impregnating someone he cant stand. He doesnt want anything to do with his child? Regardless, this guy obviously doesnt seem like anyone you want to be in a relationship with. Perhaps youd like to refute them instead of going the easy route and calling him a troll simply because he disagrees with you. Theres a fun scenario. Furthermore, why does this child need two parents? We have been able to shield the kids from this at this point. Get tested for an std too because your love obviously did not use a condom. lets_be_honest Category Convertible. April 9, 2012, 12:52 pm. And you dont sound much better. ele4phant That base of support is crucial for serving the child best. Answer (1 of 11): I am an older lady. Sure sure you have sex, theres always the possibility of a child. Talk about malarky. Close to $1,000 and thats for a shitty one. I dont think hed be right to be furious in many possible scenarios that would still fit what was said in this letter, but there are ones that would which I think would cause justifiable fury. I think shes nothing but a little scroat. The entire point of my post(s) is that the paternity laws in this country (which is a central consideration of the letter and the story) are out of whack and unbalanced to the point of being unfairly punitive to men. And if by some chance she does get pregnant itll be difficult but theyre going to get married someday anyway so theyll just start their family earlier than planned. The adoption process has a pretty involved vetting procedure- meaning that birth parents can reasonably assume the child will be cared for by the adoptive parent or parents.
My opinion is that we all know that it can happen whether youre on birth control or not. It's painful to witness when you're still in love with a person, but one of the most common reasons why a person would jump into a new relationship right after a breakup is to mask the pain of it all. I agree with all of this. I dont have a problem with that. It is amazing to me to see the vitriol that men are carrying on with talking about paying money towards the health and well being of a child that they helped create. Honestly, why would you want to put yourself in a permanent relationship who a) has encouraged his baby mommy to abort the child for the sake of convenience and 2) who has sex with people he cannot stand? And it will need a mother and a father. Only it is the LW who seems intent on absolving the boyfriend from all responsibility saying furious. April 10, 2012, 11:45 am. That goes for women as well. Because you sound about 17. April 10, 2012, 6:28 pm. I dont think the LW can handle a relationship where another woman has her mans child. Not only was she on the pill, but he wore a condom! But the important thing for you to know, as the mother of a child who may not ever know their biological father, is that your child wont miss what they never had. Overlappers: They start a new relationship before breaking up with you He cant force her to get an abortion, and she cant force him to be in the kids life. It is actually quite easy. The fact that only the woman has the abortion option is biology, not anyones opinion. Just as the guy needs to respect the ladys decision to keep it. A condom would have prevented this whole thing AND protected you from STDs. 1970 Mustang Mach I "Synergy Green Pearl"351 Cleveland - Fuel Injection "The Rattle Shaker" Complete nut and bolt rotisserie restoration LESS than 500 miles by C.A.R.S.
For the love of all things holy are you deliberately obtuse or truly lacking in basic comprehension? April 10, 2012, 8:54 pm. I think the hes a scum is more about not wanting anything to do with a child that he helped create and trying to brow beat this woman into having an abortion. April 9, 2012, 9:23 am. Child support is nice, but a father it does not make. Babies are malarky. Men dont pay child support during gestation only when there is an actually living child is in the world that has physical needs. However, a man should have no such option and should be forced to pay (literally and figuratively) for having sex. April 9, 2012, 4:51 pm. But by that same logic, you must be prepared to call a woman who doesnt want to be a mom a scumbag for getting an abortion (in the instances the guy wants to keep it but that woman doesnt). . There was a single picture of my ex-boyfriend, his then-girlfriend, and their first child. I dont usually ever think letters are fake, but this one MIGHT be fake. .you can call me whatever you like. Men should not rely on women for their own birth control unless the two people in question are in a committed relationship. So, stop with the 19th century stuff about doing the right thing. Women have complete reproductive autonomy. Still, if I were the LW and I saw my newly reunited BF acting this way about his soon to be born child, Id get the heck out of there. No, he could be furious at the legal system that compelled it or at the woman (who, by the way, was equally culpable in the creation) who opts to continue with a child only she wants.. reader, yelyah77+, writes (16 April 2009): A
female
He ordered her to get an abortion? And yes it a double standardoh wait men dont have uteruses, silly me. April 9, 2012, 1:35 pm. Ive known people who thought of abortions as no big deal who opted to keep unexpected and poorly timed pregnancies, and people who thought theyd never consider an abortion but who ultimately ended up having one. SweetsAndBeats But hes no knight in shining armor because he is willing to bare some legally minimal level of responsibility. I try t,o help because I remember when I was young. I mean sure I can relate to the horrible emotions one gets about thinking that their guys (even if hes an ex at this point!) Deal with it, ladies. You dont want his problems. am . Now that that lesson is over do you have any other questions? What a door mat you are! As a woman, you have control over that. (and I hate that C-word.but LW, you deserve it). Abandoning a child does. It doesnt matter whether he wants to be with this woman or not, your boyfriend made half of this baby and has an obligation to be a father figure to it. April 9, 2012, 3:44 pm. Maybe that outrage will be the catalyst for you to start a political career in order to change these laws that you feel are so unfair. April 10, 2012, 12:00 am. If its not easy and its not what one wants, opt out of it. Its called lying. Seriously, that is your interpretation of the male thought process? And he took on the consequences. The only one who we know is expecting him to be a father is the letter writer. Sorry to be so long-winded but it happens sometimes. But I have no tolerance for the ones who cry foul after the fact when it hasnt gone their way. Why would you want a future with someone that could do something like that? There is a massive difference between wanting a pregnancy to be terminated and deciding to have nothing to do with a child who has been born. Its still good advice if the letter his fake, actually, since there certainly are people in this situation. She is sovereign over her own body. If I polled my high school, and under Forms of Contraception I included Pulling Out, Im estimating (based on the number of children at my last reunion) that would be about 70% of respondents methods. I mean, for starters, if I even had one unplanned baby while on the pill, Id probably not continue to use it. Also, HUGE RED FLAG. 3. So give yourself the time you need to work through this experience. ! She doesnt have to listen to him, but the concern at least needs to be addressed. So this guy sleeps with the first gal that catches his attention, but he only has eyes for you? But wherever youre writing from, I suspect the child support laws are strong enough that, if she goes after it, he wont have much choice. Now if the issue remains private without government involvement, then no problem as long as she keeps to their agreement. However, an absent father does not always result in an emotionally crippled child. I am sorry, but that is just dumb. He says he cant stand her? I dont mean to gush but seriously LBH, I respect you and your opinions a lot on the matter and thanks for making me question my gut responses a bit with your candor! He is also probably telling all sorts of lies to keep the LW with him. The guy had sex (presumably) without a condom with a woman that (he at least believed) was on the pill. I wont go into the reasons they came to this, (very long, and quite personal, story), but its entirely possible that if a women gets pregnant and decides to keep the baby though the father would prefer she abort, he DOES have the option to waive his parental rights and duties to the child and thus not be legally responsible for child support. The fact that all this happened doesnt mean hes some despicable jackass.. April 9, 2012, 2:44 pm. John Rohan April 9, 2012, 4:23 pm. Once again its the way the LW and the bf (at least the way the LW is presenting his reactions) acted about the potential baby that are rubbing people the wrong way. Can I just say that would bother me a lot. I get from the tone of your letter that you are bitter. Termination of Parental rights does NOT absolve you from paying Child Support in the United States of America. He said he felt forced to be with someone he doesnt love and, blah blah blah. If a pregnancy results after you do the very thing you know can cause pregnancy you have no one to blame but yourself and whining about your lack of choices or the burden of what you must now do is unproductive and frankly, a little too late. Twitter Debates 16-Year Age Gap Between Jaylen Brown & Mouthwatering Meemaw Bernice Burgos, Barbie Gyal Nicki Minaj Returns From Hiatus And Sets Di Road Ablaze At Trinidad Carnival 2023, Rain Pon Meeee: Ashanti Reminds Everyone How Feathered And FINE She Was At Trinidad Carnival 2019, Chaka Khan Shows No Mercy Blasting Mary J. Blige, Mariah Carey & Other Names On Rolling Stone's 'Greatest Singers' List, Funniest (And Pettiest) Tweets From NBA All-Star Weekend 2023. I cant even imagine how a grown man can be deceived into impregnating someone.
[The most dangerous place on Earth to live is in an American womans womb. OH MY GOD!! That is not her fault. Couples break up for many reasons. And Im not sure what his being 40 years old has to do with her getting an abortion. Youre taking something he is saying pre-child and assuming that it is the reality of what will happen post-birth. Out of all the cries of sexism being thrown back and forth, that to me truly is sexist, assuming that a mother cannot raise a well-adjusted child by herself. Abortion and adoption are both horrifying thoughts to Susie but she has no choice. Therefore, move on. Just sayin. He does have a responsibility towards this baby, whether he likes it or not. My Wife Had Fun With My Best Friend And Destroyed Our Son's Future Its easier just to blame her and act like hes an innocent victim, but hes not. But I just don't know anymore. And as so many others have said dontt want a kid? Thank you again from the bottom of my heart. Government will go after him for either Medical Support and/or Child Support. You mean, he should be able to decide whether or not hes emotionally distant and vacant from the life he had equal part in creating? What should I do if my boyfriend got another woman pregnant but - Quora You are feeling particularly aggressive or bold. original. He can have an opinion about her but its absurd to be mad at her because they created a baby. So, again, why are you crying and being depressed over him? You sound like one of those pro-lifers who are always compelling women to do things against their will. Whats the matter? It could fail. I would MUCH rather this guy walk away now then be stuck with a screaming baby he doesnt care for and end up throwing it off a bridge. so we have a 8mth baby. Also, when you call people honey constantly or tell them to go read a lawbook(?) This is why homosexual couples have to adopt. Any 40 year old man thats in the habit of jumping into bed with a woman who claims shes on BC after knowing her for 2 min is so dirty, Id be afraid to touch him much less get back in a relationship with him. That would be the end of any sort of relationship sex. You are able to get through any obstacles on your path. I am amazed at people who think abortion is wrong for religious reasons, but have no concerns about coitus with people outside of matrimony with people they just met for two minutes. April 9, 2012, 12:31 pm. April 10, 2012, 5:55 pm, Heterophobe, hmmm, thats new one. Susie is lost. My Boyfriend Got Another Woman Pregnant & It Changed Me - Bolde Imagine that you get to design a law that will allow fairness no matter which of these happens. Except that hes not. Both of their attitudes kind of suck. I agree with the magically thing. Briana DeJesus. bittergaymark iseeshiny He was broken up with her at that time, and had no agreement that they would get together in the future. 2023 ESSENCE Communications Inc. All Rights Reserved. They like to entrap men, too. Whatever happened to you to make you hate women doesnt have to mean a lifetime of whiny bitterness. He says he loves me, doesn't want to lose me, and wants to marry me. Unfortunately, your boyfriend may have gotten another woman pregnant. I know you two were on a break but I hope you made him get swabbed for STDs. My husbands 2 month affair has ended with his girlfriend being pregnant My Ex Had A Baby With Someone Else And Wants Me Back Thats the difference. April 10, 2012, 8:46 am, he does not have the option to opt out entirely. Why should she abort the baby I mean come on. The vast majority of parents who have at least a rough acknowledgement of their paternity/maternity have joint custody even if the guys a deadbeat. He had sex, she got pregnant, presumably its his, and hell provide support. guys..youre not gonna get anywhere with this one. April 10, 2012, 5:06 am, Still, itd be nice if so many women werent so often so shamelessly dishonest about this, wouldnt it? It will never be equal. If hes such an awful scumbag, why would you want to force him to be a father. Unless youve been there, you dont know. Like labor isnt extremely painful. & he tells me now, the mother agreed to take the child & look after the child, & he will leave the baby mama for me, because he loves me. Chuck(le) You are in a relationship where you are the one responsible for everything. April 9, 2012, 2:14 pm. He didnt expect that to happen. Ive been silent on this website a while, and by and large tend to agree with most of what is said, but I could not sit quiet as people suggested to a) force this man into parenthood, and b) suggest that this woman is incapable of being a single mother. Having the right to do something OBVIOUSLY doesnt mean its always a good idea. Its not fair to create a child and then abandon it. If he didnt want to make a baby, he should have been wearing condoms or not having sex at all. It takes two to make a baby. Youre right, it could be unenforceable. Has your childs father left you during pregnancy then came back? And thats why I wouldnt want anything to do with him in the first place. He sounds a bit flakey.
You have a lot of personal issues to deal with, little boy. As for the STDs nobody is saying that you shouldnt have sex because you could get them, they are saying that if you are going to have unprotected sex, and then sleep with a different person after that, you at the very least owe it to them, to tell them that you did this, and if they ask, you should get tested. Wanting nothing to do with his child, which like it or not seems to be coming, is not acceptable- and a mature girlfriend would help him to see that these are the cards hes been dealt, and that he now has to work with them. I was a completely amicable situation and hes had no issue with this arrangement and its been many years. P.S. April 10, 2012, 7:35 pm. Because the bf in question was part of the creation of the child. Hey, say what you want about the letter but dont diss my Twilight!!! "My mom got pregnant from a one-night-stand at 16. You seem to put a lot of blame on her, but you do know that he was there too, right? I chose to have a baby. Im PRETTY sure you only included this to make yourself sound like a selfless person. The kid has no blame here. Neither one of THEM created a child. lets_be_honest She will be lucky to have 50% of the day care costs alone paid for*. Wow, youre a real piece of work, arent you. Ummm sorry your comparison is ridiculous because in that case its 100% the fault of the person eating at the restaurant. And not even the most important part. I think, Chuck, what she meant was that no one is forcing these men to impregnate strangers. He has a requirement to the mother of his child as well. Actions have consequences. Its a sad situation when an unplanned pregnancy happens between two individuals that arent committed to each other, let alone two individuals who actively dislike each other. Honestly, I did grow up craving a strong male presence in my life and have always gravitated towards male professors or bosses who wee willing to play the role of mentor. At the point where he had options he chose one that could result in a pregnancy. I dont think I have ever seen so many thumbs up on one post And it deserves them! Malarky. Now, yes, people will say: Forgive him. April 9, 2012, 5:57 pm. Id confirm that shes actually pregnant Anyone would be angry in this situation. And most important of all, whats all this talk of ASKING WOMEN to have abortions? Im going out on a very weak limb to say that youre probably a better person than this letter which means youre definitely too good for him. Just sayin. April 9, 2012, 1:23 pm. It is time to take a hard honest look at yourself and why you really want to be in a relationship with a man that wants to be with someone else. 60+ years on this ball-o-dirt and witnessing the madness going on around this place, as well as being an honest-to-God Christian. BUT. Frankly, it astounds me more of you dont think its a shockingly cunt-ified thing to do. If you dont like someone (as a fellow human being), dont have sex with them. I cant help but think just as she has a choice to abort, keep or put up for adoption, he too has a choice and while not admirable, it may be for the best. Fyrebyrd2 Interesting! Thats what IVF is for either the male or the female gives of their own gametes. Is that fair, well no, but nine months of growing a baby inside you, followed with birth, breast feeding, ect isnt really an equitable way to split reproduction either. Notwithstanding the fact that birth control sometimes fails, hes signing up for sex, not fatherhood. I doubt the conversation went like: Please have an abortion. April 9, 2012, 12:17 pm. an objective reading of the circumstances she describes suggests that its a legitimate consideration.. Of. He was clearly having unprotected sex with at least one other person. And the internet is this perfect little anonymous bubble for people to shoot off their anger. Not everyone believes that. Continuing along the lines of what John Rohan said above (maybe way above, because Im at work and my reply will take some time to type surreptitiously): The LW and the guy broke up. Now imagine a bunch of people calling you a scumbag for having the temerity to be angry at your friend, arguing that the situation is of your own making since you should have known this was a possibility when you lent out the car. Which keeps me pretty busy, and Im married to my daughters mother. Fyrebyrd2 Its a two way street guys. So he and the LW should break up for good. Why, my God, you could have hit a chid running out in the street. Or perhaps youre a world-wise know-it-all 19 year old who heard everything you regurgitate here from your Womens Studies professor bitter after falling for the same sure I love you baby slickster line you mentioned above. But I think shes tried to trap him and hes untrappable. That is pretty much it. When someone else makes a decision that massively affects my life for the worse and disregards my preferences, it makes me angry and frustrated. The laws are imperfect because the biology of men and women is different. I agree Savannah.
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