unemployed husband won't do housework

In fact after reading, I had to go show it to my friend and he ejoyed it as well! He actually GOT HIRED. The only time I have to job hunt is in evenings after babies have gone to bed.. I am just the opposite and younger than him but really hardworking. CMCit sounds like your husband and a few of the others on here are trying very hard without much luck. You are not married with him,you do not have commitment to look after him forever. Hes getting interviews and even offers but they dont come to fruition due to regulations on nationality % within the labour force of each company in this region. Hi It makes me really angry to spend all day working and taking care of the house as he just sits there playing computer games. Consider that you and your BF only 2 years all together, this is quite a lot. Even you married him, your commitment should be act on reasonable base. He keep saying what 1 want 1 will. We have worked so hard and both have degrees and even managed to buy a home for ourselves. "He is very sensitive and emotional. And he wont leave!! ..Over analyzing the situation. Sometimes I think these type of situations let you know what type of partner You have. Like his own father, my husband also won't do dishes. Yes Im in the boat with other women. He only makes about $12 an hour and has around a half hour commute to and from. He will go and do medical studies, which i suggest that you guys suggest to your husbands to do. He probablly wont even have 5 dollars. Especially when it comes to finances and the division of chores in the home, theres so much emotional baggage surrounding gender roles and upbringing and social norms that even the most sensible, watertight plan is going to flounder from time to time. Its always that hes either under qualified, or overqualified. I am very close with the kids (ages 11 to 16), and take care to prioritize their needs. He has a son from a previous relationship. I understand the strain having been through similar situations myself. I hope there is a light at the end of the tunnel. But there are so many people looking that he gets turned down for not having the exact experience needed or wanted. They claim of course that other people are the problem but they seem to have these issues wherever they go and regardless of the situation. In other words, each of you is a complex, multifaceted human being who remains healthy as long as your mental, physical, spiritual,and relationship states are receiving attention. He hasnt had a single interview in the last year. He'll go grocery shopping. No one. I make all the money. Im sorry if this was rambling, just need to get it off my chest. Ive been insulted and times he tells me that if I would have listened to him on specific ideas we would not be where we are. I have been with my fianc for 5 years and we got engaged last December. He could be feeling a combination of all 3, or he could be feeling none of them. And he's like a girl. He recently left a sales job he was struggling with. He is STILL UNEMPLOYED and has been so since April of this year. The GoodTherapy.org Team is not a substitute for professional advice, but we encourage you to reach out. ex-manager should not work as a MacDonald staff. I work at home as a medical transcription. Why do I have to support his ego, again, when every job he has had since we were together he quit or lost?? Around 6000. Ive held a full time job since we moved here. He is not good with money at all, and I cant make him stick to a budget. Please know you are not alone. Copyright Townhall.com/Salem Media. Hell survivehes not a child. I am thankful for that. I really feel like I have failed in life and for my son. I know some of the things you are thinking right now. Id have someone paying for half the cost of living rather than paying all the bills for two people (plus more if there are kids). My (25f) husband (24f) doesn't do anything at home. I dont know what to say her i am going into a very bad depression now. That all this work and stress Ive been going through was based upon a promise that she broke. Him with a job .. Sounds like this guy doesnt have the passion or the drive to do anything. If anyone feels the same and wants to talk Id be happy to. Bad eyesight and poor coordination runs in the family I suppose. Yet despite paying a third of the rent and none of the bills, on his days off he will just play online and just wear boxer shorts. I already suffer from depression and this situation really doesnt help. He plays this game: I applied for four jobs today.a month goes by, he never bothered to follow up on the jobs. Just read your post and it sounds like me!!! About 4 weeks after surgery, she .. went back to work fulltime. Its a very lean existence and if this keeps up, we will not be celebrating Christmas this year. He lost that job and found a job at a warehouse a few months later. Harden the eff up. My husband doesn't do any housework or chores. He doesnt want me to go for another promotion. I do not want to separate or divorce, but I am trying to figure out how to discuss this without upsetting him and his ego. I hate the doubt in my mind that he isnt trying hard enough. Ive been battling enough as it is with his alcoholism, which I knew he drank in the beginning. Yes, you signed a lease. But please believe in yourself you have to strength to take action to change. In the past whenever I confronted my sister about her husbands unemployed situation, she always became defensive. Please fill out all required fields to submit your message. When I have mentioned selling some of his toys to make sure we will be able to pay the mortgage and put food on our table he says I need to do more! He just thinks everything will come to him I feel :/. my husband refuses to work.he uses health as an excuse,but he was doing this before! 2) Share what you're grateful for (family, friends, etc.). He only recently started filling out applications again and he puts primary childcare provider to explain his employment gaps. Its been two years and Ive been suggesting that maybe he needs to try a different approach vs. just looking online for work but he doesnt do anything. Everything he experiences is the world being awful or out to get him. Now, I would also like to add that it appears as though my husband is taking over (where decisions are concerned) regarding what must be paid when and when. My female partner and I have been together for over 2 years and in that time she has been employed for one or two weeks. plays video games, watches movies, youtubes, and plays with his cat. She has indicated that the 8 months without FT work has been too much on her and has caused her too much stress to the point where she cannot live with someone who has lost his confidence and cannot seem to find a job. If you find that you argue a lot about chores or are growing angry and resentful toward your spouse, make sure to seek help. It felt so incredibly selfish, insensitive, and thoughtless that my entire morning has been spent crying and looking up articles like this one. It is not easy to keep up with home, family, kids, cooking, cleaning, laundry, dinners, chores, running around, budgeting, etcto begin with. I am very sad and dont know what to do with him. Been married 20+ years and he has worked for about 6 months out of all that time. This has been an almost 10 year struggle. Youll often ask yourself why is this person still here-why am I keeping them around when the situation is similar to how it would be if they were gone? Professional help can assist you with learning new skills and strategies that can be helpful to your marriage. Once youve realized things really would fall apart, its time to step up, he said. He always talks about enjoying life, money is only a tool, blah blah blah but all because he knows I make good money with my job and I have no choice but to support him. Any advice? First I just want to thank everyone who has helped me feel so much less alone! Grow up and move on. My Unemployed Husband Seems Determined Never to Work Again - Slate Magazine Using it to get to work would be different as Id be a little more used to it after a few times. Some have become involuntary breadwinners, straining to care for everyone and everything with one lone paycheck. Dilemma: My retired husband won't do a fair share of the housework Feeling animosity toward your partner because you choose to support them but proceeding to guilt them for it is no help for anyone involved. There is a difference between a spouse and a lazy ass. He started school up recently and I am working as a waitress and going to college as well. Plus, I still make the same pay since I started, which is near minimum wage. Remember, life is short and we can be gone any moment. Hang in there. I dropped out of high school, but have never been out of a job and have big aspirations for study. But, I do everything around the home. The other half of the problem is his depression. All in all, I didnt realise the stress it can cause the partner of an unemployed person. Note: I just returned after I was fired almost two years ago for nothing on my part. Over the last 2 years we have lived here he has had various jobs. When I was not working, I was doing all the housework. He can do his own laundry, sort his own food and pick up his own shit. I seriously am at my wits end. Its all just stuff. I want him out of my life!!! Im not sure what Ill do if he is unable to. I just want some of the burden of bill paying and eating and daily living to be shared with the other half of the relationship bearer. Do it yourself. He has been depressed because he was away from his kids and feels less of a man. I had to bail him out of his debts a year ago. Im trying to learn acceptance but it aint easy girl. This was most obvious in Emily's situation. I dont mind working hard, but I just cannot accept him living off on me while he thinks its absolutely ok and still wait for his dream job. But he lived with a mutual friend & i found out that he was continuing to see her building from an emotional affair to a sexual one. Possibly it was misleading to state that during this time I have a good income. Not an email. All he needs is a foot in the door. I really want to go to college as well but supporting us both means I cant save. Furthermore, recall; like every one of the seasons, this also will pass! My family doesnt like him at all, they have seen how he gets when he drinks and dont care for him. Not that it changes your position dramatically, but his contribution deserves to be counted. I work approx 60-70hrs a week regularly. Kurt Smith and other therapists HuffPost interviewed for this piece said the emotional labor divide is brought up most by heterosexual couples. Hes 34 and has a postdoc degree, so I figured hed do well as there are lots of jobs available for his education level in the city were in. Neither have worked. I am in pain, still suffering postpartum depression and have 2 small babies to care for. Knowing that my husband naps in the afternoon and does nothing but laze around the house really turns me off him. He feels a minimum wage job is below him and spends his entire day online, doing what I dont know. Only Owens has the power to demolish our notions of dress. It has me so stressed out that whenever I would say anything about it he would flip it around and play the victim card. Stop destroying your family. Not just for yourself, for your family as well. Shes had interviews, a couple of job trials, but nothing has eventuated. My husband will not cook, as he swears up and down he's terrible at it and I'm much better (I'm not, I only know how to cook 3 things!). I have been in a relationship with my fiancee for 15 years. WILL NOT DISCUSS THE OBVIOUS: YOU SCREWED UP AND IT IS A PROBLEM! My boyfriend graduated the following semester in December 2014. I still do. These days, one of the most incessant nags of feminists is that husbands won't do half the housework. So I am not alone!! Go ahead, sit on the sidelines snd advise us to kick him to the curb. I really don't want to be a nag about this, but resentment is beginning to build. Think about what lesson you're teaching. I really dont expect him to change anymore and it hurts and makes me so angry. It sends a message to their partner that they are not expected to help and often, that they should not.. Because of my job we moved back to the US after living overseas for his job, I moved back to a new position with my company when his job became in jeopardy. 2. It was great for the driest year, but in the second year he decided to go to school. He ended up living with me quite quickly, our whole relationship moved too fast. I know this s*** from your partner is embarrassing, insulting and his s*** makes you feel like you did something wrong and you did not! Hope you will have some good news to share soon. 5. sitting in front of computer all day. My boyfriend and I have been together almost 5 years, he pays the bills, has to buy the groceries and pays for all the little extras and I can tell he is getting very frustrated. The last job I had is in a contact center which is very strict in metrics, I wasnt able to pass the training. No love, he must go. Ive been with a guy for 25 years now, father of my two children. Holy Crap Ladies! Ive already caught him several times chatting with girls and flirting he doesnt call it flirting he calls it that he was stupid and that its nothing.. Were working to restore it. Are these out of work for years men cooking, cleaning, doing laundry, getting the groceries, taking cars in for repairs, dealing with ANY and ALL issues having to do with home, raising the kids, going to their school functions, helping them with homework, etcetc..etc..? to help you, youre better off alone. In reality, youve created the expectation that youll bear the burden and have established that role in the relationship. By way of comparison, prior to the gender revolution, a husband's employment status made barely a 0.1 percent difference. Its been SO LONG I dont know how long I can keep doing this. But My children are my most important thing in my life, they give me strength to put up these things. I pay everything and he tells me I cant handle money right! 4. He doesn't respond well to this.